There is a magical place waiting for you on the other side of fear.
This may sound like a bizarre statement in a blog for children. But what if I were to rephrase it and say: If children step out of their comfort zone and experience something new that will nourish their mind and soul, this will help make them happier and strive to do more, be more… would that sound better? Or perhaps you don’t think children have any fears to face… well, we know that isn’t true, especially since COVID stripped many of their confidence, replacing it with social anxiety.
Kids have it easy these days… don’t they?
Children are put in scary situations all the time; they face obstacles on a daily basis. Joining a new club, changing school, or moving town (yes, being the new kid on the block is scary). These examples, and lockdown, are big ones. In addition, they have so many more “firsts” than we do as adults. And doing new stuff is great for helping the mind grow. Improving neuroplasticity and all that. On the flip side, it’s essential that we don’t just throw them into lots of new experiences willy-nilly without guidance, e.g., joining new clubs just to keep up with the Jones or to make sure they are the next knockout nephilim in sports, like Michael Jordan, or an apollonian Amadeus. Why? Children with helicopter parents tend to be “less open to new ideas and actions, and were more vulnerable, anxious, dependent, and self-conscious.” – Source: The Gottman Institute.
Be selective with the way you spend your child’s time, it forms the foundation of their every minute in the future.
Because the experiences we gain from 0–8 years old set the foundation for how we are as adults, we need to take this responsibility seriously for our children. If you want them to be happy, have self-esteem, confidence, and independent thought, do not farm them out to every activity possible. By the same token, refrain from smothering them, plonking them in front of Disney movies or, worst of all, giving in to their whims. In such cases, many children will always opt for the “easier” option.
Kid Trick 1. Go to school and do boring stuff with kids who make fun of me OR Stay at home with mummy/daddy pretending to be ill while she/he serves me warm drinks and I sit with my manky blanky in front of children’s daytime TV…. duh, the latter please.
Kid Trick 2. Sleep in my room alone with scary monsters under the bed OR Curl up with parent(s) in their warm, big, comfy bed… duh, the latter.
Kid Trick 3. Eat the bitter, green rabbit food on my plate that is stone cold OR Whine at the top of my voice until mummy/daddy’s stern “No!” becomes a “Of course you don’t have to eat them darling.”
As a parent NEVER do or say anything just to please your child. Children are pushing boundaries naturally to see what they can get away with, to learn about their environment, society, and hierarchies. It’s up to you how you parent them here. But the boundaries I invite you to get them to push are those that’ll help them become happier and more confident individuals for the remaining 92 years of their lives: challenging boundaries that challenge THEM not YOU.
Going through tough challenges like being the first to sing solo at a school performance, painting something again when others made fun of you last time, speaking a foreign language for the first time because you had to move country, all help children have more faith in themselves and not fear the unknown… Because they know they can survive it. Sometimes they even enjoy it.
They are used to facing their fears, problems, and weaknesses head on – a sign of strength and courage. And because of this, it is easier for them to find the necessary balance to face life’s adversities.
Flexing the cognitive muscle
Trying new things asks them to stop and observe and reflect. This act of shifting their attention from themselves to others, inside to the outside, makes them empathetic. These children therefore have a higher level of awareness and self-knowledge. They are more aware of their strengths and weaknesses; this means they more likely to achieve their goals. Putting themselves out there gives them the opportunity to draw on their inner resources, think hard about life, define ways of doing what they have to do, and to focus on what really matters.
6 Signs of children who step outside their comfort zone:
- They are curious about life.
- They enjoy lots of activities and try new hobbies.
- They do not fear rejection.
- They are self-confident.
- They have greater self awareness
- They don’t constantly seek the approval of others.
These children are comfortable with themselves, they trust themselves. They know they can ask anything of themselves. Because they have tried and tested their own boundaries and bounced back with a family who supports them and provides them with a solid foundation of love. They have a high self-esteem and self-respect: they don’t shy away from a little discomfort.
6 Signs of children who get what they want and stay inside their comfort zone
- They exhibit more resistance
- They can be hostile in their unwillingness to try new things
- They are insecure (being more reliant upon parents)
- They are more anxious – if you pamper them, they think it’s not safe out there. You fuel their fear
- They are indecisive because they haven’t tried out problem-solving strategies
- … not as happy as they could be
Children who never have to face their fears because their parents don’t want them feel discomfort, end up being much less resilient to life’s struggles. They become bitter because they are programmed to never feel disappointment or inconvenience. For example, when they enter the grown-up world and someone says NO or they are asked to do something out of their comfort zone to get a promotion they want, they have no experience or inner strength to fall back on. The words: “It’s not fair” may pass their lips. Wouldn’t it be better if the words were: “I want to. I Can. I will.”
Prompt for post: My recent personal challenge
I bring up this subject of facing fears because I’ve been facing a lot of new challenges recently since my move to France. I realised I’ve never been afraid to try something new. This has been a rocket launcher I’ve ridden my entire life without knowing it. Thanks to my parents, I was exposed to many new life situations, none of which seemed impossible or scary as I was always held by their strong foundation of love, unequivocal guidance, and sound moral standards. My latest challenge – teaching yoga in French for the first time to a group of willing and eager strangers aged 18 to 80 – reminded me of this important gift I had been given. I said to myself: The first time is the hardest, but if I don’t do it, others will miss out on what I have to share. Then the second time I will know what to expect. The third time will be like going back to something I am familiar with. “I want to. I Can. I will.”
I hope you can give your child an arsenal of breakthroughs to look back on as fuel for their future self-esteem and inner strength. As always Kiki and her Friends are here to help you instil important lessons in your child through their fun scrapes and adventures (spoiler alert):
- Piero’s amazing debut as conductor of the orchestra in The Circus is Coming to Town helps save the mice elephants.
- Banjo’s inner genie spurring him first across the finish line in his first car race in A Day at the Races even though he’d never driven before.
- Allan dressed up as Piero to face the Farmies in A Case of Mistaken Identity and save the day, even though he was scared. He knew he could count on his family and friends.
- Kiki’s endless ability and desire to save the day with any/all the skills she has.
It can be a scary world out there, but it can also be thrilling and beautiful. Life, like Mother nature, is a mixture of good and evil, hard and easy, wild and tame. Help your child put on their red headband and find their inner Kiki to experience it all with a lion’s heart.
Kiki and Friends 